Let me be honest, I have a long ass list of things to do. For starters, I still have seemingly important papers from nursing school. NURSING SCHOOL. I graduated in 2014. Why?
I have outdated clothes I held on to in hopes they will fit again because maybe, just maybe, this will be the year I get consistent with my diet and workout. Knowing that when my waste gets snatched I’m going to want an entire new wardrobe.
Right now, in this quarantine, I have all the time in the world to FINALLY complete my task list starting from 6 years ago. Not only do I avoid it, I added more tasks to my to do list! Again I ask. Why?
While, I am grateful and thankful for all my basic needs being met, I’d be lying if said I didn’t feel stuck, overwhelmed and lacking motivation in this moment. I was so used to being busy and filling my calendar with work or events, I didn’t know how to just be still! It was becoming debilitating to even complete the most simple and basic tasks.
I did not welcome this quarantine with open arms. I knew I needed time to reset, but that’s why I scheduled my trip to Bali to do the whole “Eat. Pray. Love” thing.
At first, I did not see this as the quiet time I had asked for. Because it did not look like what I wanted it to; it wasn’t on the terms I set out. I found myself in denial and resisting the inevitable.
In fact, I did everything in my “power” (let’s face it, you have no power when it comes to the plans of the universe) to avoid feeling the effects of COVID-19.
This was the year I was going to travel past the Atlantic Ocean. I was finally taking full advantage of my travel nurse freedom and had a trip planned in every month from April to September. I was going to enter into the airport in a full HAZMAT suit if need be! It was that deep!
Despite my desperation and minuscule efforts, all my trips still fell through and left my money tied up. And if you read my last 3 posts, you know my work contracts fell through as well. And just like that, I was no longer busy and able to find excuses in avoiding my healing journey.
I was throwing myself a pity party almost everyday in April and the first few days in May. I found myself about to fall into old patterns I had to pray my way out of; please don’t be like me!
However, things really do have a way of just working out – or that’s the blanket version we tell ourselves. In order for things to “magically” workout we still have to do the work.
What is “the work” I am referring to? How am I moving forward?
1- I had to finally accept I am exactly where I need to be. I did not need to go half way across the world to reset my mind and lifestyle. I did it at home surrounded by family and having virtual happy hours with friends. Making sure to stay connected to my foundation.
2- I had to let that pity party go! Things are not going to be the way the once were and I had to release what I thought I knew. There is no more normal to go back to. This thinking became tiresome and taxing to my spirit. Everyone’s life has been turned upside down, it’s not like the universe singled me out to punish me and have me suffer alone. While all our circumstances are different, we are really going through this together.
3- I moved my body everyday and ate more fruits/veggies. For the first time in a while, I was eating right and exercising without obsessing about weight loss. I even surprised myself and started taking hikes, even though I never considered myself a nature person. As someone on a holistic journey, I had to respect that nature has healing powers and fully embrace what just a little bit of sun can do. I surrounded myself in nature and also ate more foods from the earth usually in the form of green smoothies. On the days I felt too tired to move, I listened to my body. I kept my activity light with restorative yoga videos on youtube, making sure to release the tension and stress I was holding on to.
4- I meditated daily. I was feeling anxious non-stop and bursting out into tears daily, when my friend suggested the Balance app to me. I started with 3-minute meditations then I began to work my way up to 5 and 10-minute meditations. It was just enough to quiet my mind. It was hard for me to sit still and to refocus my thoughts without my mind wondering, but the struggle was worth it! If you don’t want to download an app, you can look up meditations on YouTube and Spotify!
5- Most importantly, I prayed. The first thing I do when I begin to wake up istalk to God. I pray daily for love and light to come into my mind, body, spirit and home. I pray that I would love and accept myself as well as others just as God has done for me. This has changed my perspective on everything because now I am leading with love and feeling more positive. I’m genuinely happy for myself and I now I can be for everyone else.
This internal transformation, this healing has been amazing! It has given me a solid foundation on who I am and what I want. Allowing me to manifest freely and attract everything I want out of life.
I literally wake up everyday smiling. Something I haven’t done in almost 10 years. I was really taking everyday for granted and I wasn’t feeling grateful for this gift of life. Now, each day I open my curtains to let the sun fill my room with it’s light.
While my to do list continues to grow, I am welcoming it instead of treating it like it’s a burden. It’s not one more thing I HAVE to do, it’s one more thing I GET to do.
My to do list includes job searches, applying to graduate school, new business ideas, new youtube and instagram ideas to share my story. There are days I still get annoyed or insecure about my ability to complete the tasks at hand, but I turn to the list above and remember how far I have come!
This is just the beginning. The journey is never over, we are always evolving. Once you reach a certain level of healing a new level unlocks.